January 25, 2024

It was an interesting day.

We got together in Pasadena California for a day trip to Big Bear - boys wanted to go skying.  I wanted to join them and just sit and write - get away from things.  Being unemployed can be frustrating if you don't put your time and attention to something.

I managed to catch a conversation with one of the guys before anyone else got there.  He was stressing a bit about getting his green card to be able to stay in the US.  Understandable.  A lot riding on something that was to some extent out of his complete control.  He was taking 16 hours of English Education classes a week in order to keep his visa status, on top of a fulltime job.  He was doing it all on the weekend - 8am-6pm Saturday and Sunday.  No breaks in the week.  He missed his 17 year old daughter that was back in Armenia.  He was making money and sending it back to her.  He shared his challenges of having to pay for his 75 year old fathers hip replacement and the associated costs.  And the recent struggles his mom had with breast cancer.  I related back how my dad had died of colon cancer and I used to carry him with his colonoscopy bag to the bathroom.  He died suffocating in my arms and how my mom recently had a breast cancer procedure.

It made me remember those days when we first escaped Poland and fought to get our way into America.  Fought for the American dream.  The chance to get the chance to fight to make your life and make something of it.  How we struggled and lived in a cockroach infested apartment in a ghetto in Brooklyn that smelled like gas.  

I talked briefly about my gut health issues and pain and how I had fasted for 10 days in the last 3 weeks to heal.  How I was waiting to hear back from a job offer and how I was hesitant to take it - unsure if it was the right stramove for my career.That's about 6X what the average pay is for an American today.  Yet I struggled with it - fighting with my mind if I should go out on a limb and start my own business vs getting sucked into another job that was going to take the best of me.

One of the other guys came in.  It was his 55th birthday today.  He was a business owner and a millionaire.  His company of which he was the only current employee  supported the technology infrastructure of a large business.  He came in upset - understandably - he had done everything he could this week to clear his schedule to go on this trip with us.  Unfortunately - shit hit the fan - he had just gotten of the phone with his counterpart in Europe - all of their systems were down.  He had to stay and put out fires.  Of course it had to happen on his birthday.  He looked drained - he had not slept dealing with the issues.  He talked about how it was hard as everything was on him.  The business was wearing on his health.

I couldn't help but notice. The first guy would loved to have been in the shoes of the second guy  and have a green card and a great paying job.  I would have loved to have been in the shoe shoes of the third guy.  Multi-millionaire - running his own show - running his own business.  

Then my wife texts me - frustrated.  She works for a small AI technology consulting firm.  As with many small businesses they had process problems.  She had just found out she is expected to do a massive presentation showcasing all of their technology capabilities to their VP and CEO.    She was frustrated - they were throwing a lot on her - last minute and without giving her the proper training or materials.  She expressed her frustration at working for a small company.  A few minutes later she texted me they let one of the new guys go.  I could not help but think - I bet that guy would wish to be her.  Her boss recently told her she was ranked the #1 sales person.

Not being in her shoes - I had a little more perspective on the situation and texted her.  "Look at it as an opportunity."  "You are being paid to learn and get better."  "The fact that they are lacking process is an opportunity if you can constructively help to make it better and raise your status in the company."  It was easy to say - but perhaps true.  I certainly remember working at a bigger organization where everything was mapped out monotonously in terms of process and complaining about how there was so much red tap it was like pulling teeth to get anything done and documenting it.  I wish I had more autonomy I used to think to myself.  We'll she had too much autonomy!

I got a notification on my phone - Ray Dalio - someone I follow due to his proven track record.  He ha posted his daily message: 

"It is a great paradox that individually we are simultaneously everything and nothing. Through our own eyes, we are everything--e.g., when we die, the whole world disappears. So to most people (and to other species) dying is the worst thing possible, and it is of paramount importance that we have the best life possible. However, when we look down on ourselves through the eyes of nature we are of absolutely no significance. It is a reality that each one of us is only one of about seven billion of our species alive today and that our species is only one of about ten million species on our planet. Earth is just one of about 100 billion planets in our galaxy, which is just one of about two trillion galaxies in the universe. And our lifetimes are only about 1/3,000 of humanity's existence, which itself is only 1/20,000 of the Earth's existence. In other words, we are unbelievably tiny and short-lived and no matter what we accomplish, our impact will be insignificant. At the same time, we instinctually want to matter and to evolve, and we can matter a tiny bit--and it's all those tiny bits that add up to drive the evolution of the universe.  The question is how we matter and evolve. Do we matter to others (who also don't matter in the grand scope of things) or in some greater sense that we will never actually achieve? Or does it not matter if we matter so we should forget about the question and just enjoy our lives while they last? #principleoftheday"

What is the perspective that we choose to take from our inner world? I could argue that objectively you are nothing - but yet I could also argue that objectively you are a universe of trillions of cells and bacteria that rely on what you do.  Everything and nothing.   Which perspective you choose determines how you feel and what you do.

On the trip over to Big Bear I shared my perspective with the boys - it made me think of  Jocko's now famously said video and commentary titled:  "Good" came to mind.  (https://youtu.be/IdTMDpizis8?si=cuR_ylixJ-jsKhKV)

All of it made too much sense to me.  I had written prior sections to Livefully.net about how "Human being are always assigning meaning to the world around them." 

I also talked about how in the "internal world" it is what we compare ourselves to that results in an emotion we feel.

If I compare myself to my younger self - an aspiring American - I am blessed!!! - if I compare myself to the multi million dollar business owner I might feel lacking.  

As I write this I just heard that the fires are out and the third guy is 5 minutes away.  The feeling of sadness wearing on him was perhaps wasted.  It all worked out in the end.  Life is funny. 

But I can't help but think there is a deeper lesson here.  As human being we have the power to assign meaning to the world around us based on what we compare ourselves to.  It is something that if it runs out of control can hurt us as we suffer often in our mind more then in reality - but at the same time it is a super power of ours.  In order to survive we can assign almost meaning to any task.  

I can't help but think of Victor Frankel in "Man's Search for Meaning" and how he had to find a way to get through being in the concentration camps, seeing those around him die from starvation, finding razors in the food etc.  He imagined the future and getting out and using the experience to help and teach others.  It reminds me of the depths of suffering when I was being eaten alive by my immune system and lay in bed for 6 months broken.

The first guy  just came back from the slopes.  I shared what I was writing on.  He shared a story of how his daughter.  When she was younger she not grateful and took a lot of life for granted.  He took her to one of the war torn areas of Armenia filled with refugees.  She saw with her own eyes how there were families with literally nothing .....  they had to leave everything behind in the middle of the night as war had come to them.  She ran out crying.  He said she changed after that.

I was grateful for this story because I had noticed this problem in my 4 year old.  Hell even in myself.  She had everything she wanted but appreciated none of it and took it for granted.  

Idea: Perhaps it is important to have a ritual to  go see with your own eyes those others who are less privileged.   I will look into volunteering.  It will remind me of where I came from, I will be able to help others and it will give me perspective on my life as well as to my kids.  I must trust my good ideas, collect them and see them through till the end for that is when I will reap their rewards.

Thank you Harut for your story and for being a good man -  it may have changed a life.  It inspires me to share more stories of non-famous folks - but stories that give perspective on life.  Another idea for the podcast that has been lingering in my mind and needs acting upon.